TFLN #1

[thetonmods]

TEXTS FROM LAST GALA

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO..

 

This is for fun! Anyone can join; you don't have to be a member of our game to play on this meme. For those who are playing in The Ton, these threads are not considered canon and should not be put towards AC or rewards.

More importantly, be sure to mind your manners.

Comments

Leon S. Kennedy | Resident Evil

[knife2meetu]

1. man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set their townhouse on fire while drunk

2. he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off... i didn't know if i was more offended or impressed

3. this where we start a club for people who woke up outside on a bench with no idea how they got there?

4. there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check.

1

[zemnianjoy]

You are exaggerating-- it was only one. single. chaise. lounge.

shalem | arknights

[prozaic]

1. According to the contents of this bucket, last night I swallowed a tin's worth of tea.

2. I just had someone from the gentleman's club by speaking my native language. All I had to do was recite my grocery list.

3. Seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me straight with scones, so don't be surprised when they get you an admirer in "that" way.

4. There's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers, my nail polish would fall right off.

5. (text him! or misfire.)

1.

[festianbargain]

Dry?

Daniel Harrow | Harrow

[drsolipsism]

1. I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka.

2. So, then the officer asked you how you were getting home, and you told him "very carefully".

3. To justify your stumbling, you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet.

4. Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.

5. or make one up im not your supervisor

2

[festianbargain]

cops never appreciate honesty.

Cassandra de Rolo | Critical Role

[ofwovenstone]

1. You did, in fact, cut me out of my dress with a sword.

2. I DID try to find you last night! I asked where you were and you texted me the letter “e” and a picture of the dark.

3. I was just handed a glass of mead the size of my head. Stay tuned.

4. No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted that you were the god of tits and wine.

5. I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

6. Text her!

2

[knife2meetu]

Pocket dial. Swear to God.

[ That's his story and he's sticking to it. ]

Sounds like you had a time.

Líadan "Lía" Hawke | Dragon Age 2

[taleofthe]

1. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and coffee.

2. I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?

3. JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.

4. I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink.

5. Text her!

1.

[zemnianjoy]

Same, but instead of coffee-- for me it is cats.

To clarify, I do not drink cats.

Cassian Andor | Star Wars | OTA

[festianbargain]

1. I had a dream I got back with Bix. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my subconscious is a dick
2. I mean besides the fact someone's hand got cut off, I still had a pretty good night.
3. I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different planets
4. He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
5. A Jedi just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
6. Wildcard!

4

[pursuitofcappiness]

Could just block him if he's bothering you.

Caleb Widogast | Critical Role

[zemnianjoy]

i. I want to put all the cats in top hats. Haha, that rhymed!
ii. We have successfully drawn four hundred and ninty-two dicks on various surfaces in the ballroom, I think that is a new personal record, ja.
iii. You were not there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf-- it is what you would've wanted, I think?
iv. Meet me out back for 'Dinosaur Fight Club'-- do not worry freund, I will polymorph you.
v. Sorry about that whole 'setting your boat on fire' thing.
vi. In emergency situations-- cat food counts as protein.
vii. I am recruiting for the 'Disaster Bisexual Association'-- care to join? Membership is free.


[ Or text him! ]

iv.

[knife2meetu]

Yeah, that's not happening.
If I see you so much as wiggle a finger at me in some bullshit magical way you're gonna have your own fight club, up close and personal.

[ let's be real, leon is highly unlikely to punch out caleb. he likes the guy too much. ]

James T. Kirk | Star Trek

[prizedstallion]

I. I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the Pheme was my friend
II. I chased Bacardi with meat sauce last night
III. I just remember making out with this one guy, washing blood off my hands and hearing the maids were looking for me.
IV. NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight: Shaxx or Annie!
V. You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
VI. Text him!

V

[festianbargain]

How responsible are we talking exactly. Wear a condom responsible or send money home so mom can keep the heat on responsible.

augustine the first ( the locked tomb )

[diosapate]

1. When Mercymorn asks if her corset makes her butt look big, the answer is yes. Clearly. It’s yeah.

2. I've fallen from my one moral pedestal.

3. When my butler found out I was fucking a guy who dropped out of high school, he was like, “Seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time, Augustine?”

4. Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your maid come near the bathroom. I can't meet your maid for the first time after what we did this morning. Don’t make this awkward.

5. You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life. That’s all. It’s simple, really.

3

[knife2meetu]

you're telling me this after I told you my alma mater?

Sigurd Harcourt | Xenogears

[sigurdian]

i. Are we still on for Manwhore Monday?
ii. The assless chaps only come out for good boys.
iii. I only morally object to explosions when I'm sober-- atm you're good.
iv. Waking up with a penis drawn on my stomach, man- that reminds me of the good old days.
v. I've got to get out of here quick. He's starting to talk nerd and I'm starting to get hard.


[ Or text him! ]

iii

[astraythought]

The only objections that matter to you are the moral ones?

Eli Vanto | Star Wars (Thrawn Novels)

[ubuphaka]

1. Yes, I've spent time researching what his species' dicks look like. I want to know if I'm capable of sucking them.

2. I just took the cheapest shot in your honor.

3. What, you don't think we have kinky sex where I come from? It's a nowhere planet, there's nothing to do but drink and have kinky sex.

4. He got mad because I corrected his spelling while sexting.

3.

[astrogator]

Right. My fault for assuming all backwater worlds are conservative I guess.

Not that I spend time thinking about how people on different planets have sex.
But just saying.

Ducky DeCecco - Lavender Jack

[astraythought]

1. He told me to pick a safe word. I said the name of my best friend's dog and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for bdsm.

2. The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.

3. I can't beat you with that cane, even if you're into it. It's powered by microwaves.

4. I am convinced that after two galas and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.

4

[pursuitofcappiness]

Do you want me to ask him about you?

Sersi | MCU

[terraphile]

1. You always have that cute deer-in-the-headlights look.

2. I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitos...

3. Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.

4. I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?

5. text her

4.

[diosapate]

Oh, don’t ask me. It’s been a good nine thousand years since I’ve sent a halfway decent sext.

After the first millennium, you really stop trying.

Have you considered a winky face?

Maureen Johnson | RENT

[femalething]

1. gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH

2. We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.

3. I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual

4. Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public

5. text her

1.

[astrogator]

Is that an offer or a request?

Joseph Oda | The Evil Within

[axecop]

1. It's a wonderful picture, you look very sexy. I think you have the wrong number though.

2. Good morning! Hope you slept well. I woke up early, so I came downstairs to make breakfast for us. How do you like your eggs?
[Also, you're tucked in the middle of the bed, your clothes are neatly folded on a chair, and he kept the blinds closed for you.]

3. Is there some kind of sign on my back that says "the best blowjob you'll ever give?" I'm genuinely getting concerned.

4. Before I jog your memory, drink a glass of water and promise you won't shoot the messenger. What's the last thing you remember?

5. So if you look at the calculations alongside the diagram of the ballroom, you'll see what I mean. There is no way that many people should actually be at this gala.

3.

[huntgodsbride]

Maybe it's only seen by men. Otherwise, I have no answer. Shoot them if it's annoying you.

I would.

aerith gainsborough (ffvii remake)

[floresco]

1) This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
2) Apparently I saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "I love it so much".
3) Come find me. I'm drinking whiskey out of the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks.
4) I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen between us.

1.

[diosapate]

Are you sure this isn’t a parody of what a drunken text is meant to be, bird?

Dolores Abernathy | Westworld

[choosebeauty]

1. His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.

2. You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.

3. This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.

4. text her

3

[diosapate]

Are your compassion modules on the fritz, love? You’re sounding exceedingly robotic. More than usual, that is.

France | Hetalia

[amant]

1. Did you invite me to this soiree just to shove me in the direction of the most unpleasant woman this side of 60?
2. I wasn't completely sober when I sent that photo to my contacts but I think I've got a reason to be catatonic now.
3. Were you PRAYING in the champagne room? Not judging but I would like to know it wasn't a lucid dream.
4. Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
5. You should be happy for me. Or aroused! Or maybe you could just be a good friend and feel how I WANT you to feel: jealous.
6. [ text him as I dust him off ]

3

[edle_gestalt]

I had the spins. Who else was I supposed to turn to?

Arthur Morgan | Red Dead Redemption 2

[haveyouseenmyhat]

1. Do you think they hang horse thieves here? I am asking for a friend. And not myself. I did not accidentally steal someone's brown warmblood while drunkenly walking down the road.

2. The last thing I remember is yelling "it's high noon," but I'm pretty sure it was closer to midnight.

3. Dear Sir or Madam,
It has come to my attention that I may have spent time at your humble abode yesterday in the evening, during which time I may have inadvertently left one or more possessions. In specific, I am looking for what you might refer to as a "cowboy hat." I would be much obliged if you could remind me of your address so that I may retrieve my belongings.
Much Obliged,
Arthur.

4. [text him!]

3.

[astrogator]

Peace and prosperity,

I'd be happy to oblige you. Trouble is, I had a lot of visitors yesterday evening, and I'm not especially knowledgeable about hats from this region.

Is it the tall black one? I did find one of those.

- Tayrey

Vash the Stampede | Trigun Stampede

[wildgeranium]

1. Seriously my hangover is so bad. I feel like my eyelashes make blinking a workout.

2. why am I wearing a dog collar

3. Instead of being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and lay on the floor.

4. At least he uses his lack of impulse control for good instead of evil?

5. Text him or misfire.

2

[ubuphaka]

It only seemed natural after you crawled around on the floor and begged everyone at the party to pet you.

Annie Dyer | OC

[ohmyscream]

1. lmao I woke up to twenty text messages about that party. wtf didn't I do?

2. Please come get your boyfriend. He is crying in my tub fully dressed.

3. So trying to dance on a table while very drunk wasn't my best move. I understand that now.

Stop judging me.

4. No, I didn't. That was you and you can't prove otherwise.

5. She told me I had stars in my eyes then threw up on my shoes. Why do I like the messy ones?

3

[stolentrinkets]

I think you needed to find a table that wasn't so wobbly.

Nora Valli | Original Character

[huntgodsbride]

1. Wake me up like that again, and you're going to find yourself out a window.

2. When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After claret 5 or whiskey 7?

3. I wasn't judging you, that's just the way my face is.

4. The one thing my maid does well is my hair. I never have to stretch my arms out again.

2.

[astrogator]

If you had that much, I'm impressed you were still able to count them. All I remember is having the punch.

I started doing pull ups off the balcony because someone else who was doing pull ups dared me to, and then my maid said I wasn't allowed to. I don't think she actually knows how command hierarchies work.

You're not the one who dared me, are you?

Claire Redfield | Resident Evil

[letmelive]

1. I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.

2. I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.

3. I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a carriage to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the carriage idea is believable.

4. It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.

5. Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs

1

[knife2meetu]

[ Claire don't tell him about this he was THERE ]

Need an extraction or should I be asking what kind of call this is?

Jester Lavorre | Critical Role

[canheal]

1. So just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral.

2. I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night.

3. She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.

4. Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.

5. Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know?

6. Text her! Misfires welcome!

5.

[dunamagic]

I am not sure I do know, no. Caleb says that kittens are cuter than cats, is it that all small things get this reaction?

Vax'ildan | Critical Role

[shesvex]

1. Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.

2. If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.

3. the whole story wouldn't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.

4. the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too drunk to care

5. Text him

1

[wildgeranium]

Okay. What are you using instead?